Questions After Christmas Break
by heavens-dark-hanyou
Summary: AU. Ranma, Ryoga and Mousse are walking to school for the first time after Chrismas break, and one of them asks a question that Ranma takes the wrong way. He answers the wrong form of the question, if you read, you'll see what I mean.


This story is AU. I know it's a little bit, how to put it, strange, but it just came to me one day, only I was thinking of using this with myself to shock some kids at school, you know, as a joke. This never really happened to me. Would be funny though. Ryoga, Mousse and Ranma are all good buddies. Akane and Ranma have started getting along, just nobody else knows yet. There was no arranged marriage. Both Ranma's and Akane's parents are normal and very much alive. Ranma is the only one with a curse. He actually has a normal life, I just wanted to let him be a normal teenager before I start to have fun with him in my stories that I haven't made much progress with yet. Both sets of parents are actually somewhat normal. So, here's the story.

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Christmas break had just ended (I have no clue if the majority of Japan celebrates Christmas, I doubt it, but I'm not up to date on the Japanese school system, so I don't know if they could get out for it. Let's say they all celebrate it like here in America) and everbody was coming back to school. The girls were all hoping that the three best looking boys were all available for the taking. Unfortunately, they would have no such luck. Two were taken due to arranged marriages, though they promptly fell in love. The one with the glasses and baggy clothes, named after a hair product, was to get married to a woman who looked like she could be an Amazon (she's not in this story). The girl was the Chinese exchange student that was also named after a hair product.

The second boy had some cute fangs and wore a bandanna, he always carried around a giant, red, bamboo umbrella. He had the ability to teleport to random places occasionally, but could not always control it, so about once every month or two, he would disappear in the middle of class to reappear the next day with hundreds of souvenirs. He was to be married to some okinamiyaki chef that liked to dress like a boy. She also went to their school.

The girls could have no luck though. The two had gotten married over the break. The third boy got to be the best man at both weddings. He had turned down evey offer to go out with any girl in the school. Well, all except one. She was Akane, and she seemed to hate Ranma's guts. It seemed that the feeling was mutual. The first two boys were Mousse and Ryoga, tied for second as best in martial arts in the world. The third boy, Ranma, was first, and Akane was fourth. Nobody would be able to beat them, not even all the armed forces in the world, if they joined together and went berserk. It would take at least five nukes to take down Akane alone. It would take at least seven for Mousse, and the same for Ryoga. Ranma would be able to take a good twenty before unconciousness claimed him. (I kind of powered them up a little bit, they were all child prodigies, no training trips or anything).

There were only six people that knew about Ranma's curse. There were his parents, Ryoga and Mousse, himself, and Akane. He would turn into a well endowed red headed girl when splashed with cold water and back with warm (he isn't the least bit of a water magnet this time, he can change simply when he needs to, it's great for sneaking around).

Akane had a good reason for not liking Ranma. She hated boys in general. She hated them so much that everybody thought she was a lesbian. It was confirmed when they saw her making out with a red head in a red and black dress in the park. Akane had been wearing boys clothes. Ryoga and Mousse had teased Ranma for a bit, saying he could be the girl, but they knew that they hated one another. Besides, Ranma never wore dresses and always wore his long hair down, not in a pigtail (huge change, but he didn't have the Dragon's Whisker in this life) like that of Akane's girl. In the end, they dropped it and just thought the girl a wanderer or a dropout, both of which were only good for a one-time fling with Akane.

Finally, when they were a short distance away from Furikan, (I don't know if I spelled this correctly and don't feel like checking) the trio hopped down from the fence where they had been walking so they could talk and face one another. It was quite and extraordinary hop too, seeing as the fence was on top of a three story building. Ryoga was the first to talk.

"I had a great Christmas break," he said, "I think it ended too early though."

"Me too, for all of that," said Mousse, "how did you make out this Christmas Ranma?"

"_Guys_! How could you ask something like that?" he asked, blushing slightly.

"Just tell us what you got and we'll be good," said Ryoga. Ranma didn't know that Mousse and Ryoga were thinking along different lines from what he was thinking of. Mousse and Ryoga thought his parents must have bought him condoms for him to blush like he was at that question.

"Well, I did get a bit of tongue in my mouth. Then we got into bed. We were about to go ahead when my parents walked in, and you know how conservative they are. I thought they were going to ground me and tell me I shouldn't have sex until after I'm married. You'll never guess what they actually said though," Ranma said.

"Go ahead and tell us," Mousse said, thinking that Ranma was leading them toward the punch line of a stupid joke.

"My dad told me to make sure I use a condom next time."

"You mean this isn't a joke?" Ryoga asked after he and Mousse recovered from a major face fault.

"You think I would joke about my sex life?" Ranma asked.

"Well, I guess not."

"But you won't believe what my mother said after I was caught," Ranma said. "She said the she hoped I lived up to my namesake of being the 'wild horse' in bed, then my fiancé said something really embarrassing."

"Wait, fiancé?" asked Mousse, puzzled.

"Oh yeah, I proposed to her about two months ago, after dating for six months. Atually, we started dating after school the same day Akane and I got into our first major argument. This latest incident occurred on new years day, shortly after noon. Any way, my fiancé said that I did live up to my name. My blush caused everybody to laugh for a good ten minutes."

"So who's the lucky girl, and do we get to be your best men?" asked a grinning Ryoga.

"You'll find out who she is at school, but I can say that you most definitely know her."

"Come on, tell us," whined Mousse.

"It's a surprise. You'll get to find out with the rest of the school. Consider yourselves lucky you even know about the engagement. But either way, the wedding is on February 6," said Ranma.

Once they got to school, they heard a cry of "Ranma!" followed by a perfect glomp. The girl hanging off of Ranma was none other than Akane.

"Jeez Akane dear, I need some of those ribs if you want me to live until our wedding in February," Ranma said jokingly.

"Sorry 'bout that," she said.

"That's my line,"

With that, the two engaged in a very passionate kiss. When they separated, the two heard a cry that would only be familiar to the dear reader (assuming you've read or watched a lot of Ranma)

"Ranma Saotome! Prepare to die!"

The bokken wielding idiot who had yelled it was soon in his psychiatric ward once again, due to a cross-town kick from the engaged couple.

With that, the loving engaged couple walked into the school for another day of knowledge (or torture, depending on the school and point of view).

Authors Note: February 6 is my birthday. I hope you enjoyed this, because I had fun writing it.


End file.
